Apr. 19th, 2010

ageha: Made@Jounins (Misc ★ Under my umbrella)
I think lately I've been having a turning 20's crisis - the kind where you can't stop thinking about everything you've failed to accomplish so far: no boyfriend, no great teenager adventures, no astounding academic marks. And I know I have done things but I can't shrug off this feeling of being stuck and tat everyone is being moving forward but me and I'm here, stuck. That's one of the reasons I've been such a bad LJ-friend lately - I really feel I can't comfort anyone when I myself I'm feeling like most selfish person in the world. Long time no see, self-hate.

The other is about the scholarship I want to get once I finish uni to do a master in Japan. It is a very, very difficult one to get since there are only like, 10 for the whole country. And my marks are just average so I'm feeling a lot of pressure to improve them - and the more pressured I feel, the more I procrastinate. I also need two recommendation letters, so I asked one of my teachers if I could work with him this summer. He accepted, so now I feel doubly stressed to have a good mark on that subject :X On the good side, he was the runner-up for the rector of our university and is the director of a couple of departments, so his words have a certain weigh.

On a brighter side, it has been approximately two years since I joined the Eito fandom. It is the first fandom I've really participated in, and even though I'm still a newbie in a lot of things, I think I've been really fortunate - not only being able to attend to six (!!) concerts, but also for having been able to meet you all. Thank you for being there <3 Sometimes, I really wish to join you all when you say "Eighter forever!" but I'm scared that will break the spell. It's a word I don't really live, forever - because I can never quite say it without feeling it's a white lie, because who knows what will happen?

And last of all, I opened a graphics journal [livejournal.com profile] itsukamata and a flickr I might never use, but *spams*

<8!

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ageha: Made@Jounins (Default)
Ageha

October 2010

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