まだサヨナラが言えない
Jan. 6th, 2010 07:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agehaI've just come back and I already miss Japan
I was at Narita, waiting to board the plane while eating Pocky when the feeling suddenly overflowed and I started sobbing in the middle of the lobby.
It's strange, how you can feel so yours a country that you weren't born in. I guess it's something that you can only understand when you've been there - because when you return you can't help but to miss it, to crave it.
I want to live there.
For me, it isn't just some pleasure trip to an exotic country.
I love Japan.
I love Osaka.
I might just love Eito a little too much.
But I can't just give up everything and try to start from zero there. I'm not that strong. I need stability and comfort - I need to know what tomorrow will offer me, I can't life with the doubt of the what-if.
Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
Everyone seems to be moving to Japan and I'm left stuck here - but I don't really think that going to an academy there would serve me for anything. What would I do afterwards? How can I find a job that doesn't involve teaching English or Spanish? I don't want to live off part-times jobs either. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward, a too accommodated person who isn't willing to give up anything - nobody gains anything without risking something- but I can't just throw away the foundations of my whole life, of what they told me it was the right thing to do.
A life without regrets - how I wish it was that easy.
Will probably make a trip post later.
I was at Narita, waiting to board the plane while eating Pocky when the feeling suddenly overflowed and I started sobbing in the middle of the lobby.
It's strange, how you can feel so yours a country that you weren't born in. I guess it's something that you can only understand when you've been there - because when you return you can't help but to miss it, to crave it.
I want to live there.
For me, it isn't just some pleasure trip to an exotic country.
I love Japan.
I love Osaka.
I might just love Eito a little too much.
But I can't just give up everything and try to start from zero there. I'm not that strong. I need stability and comfort - I need to know what tomorrow will offer me, I can't life with the doubt of the what-if.
Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
Everyone seems to be moving to Japan and I'm left stuck here - but I don't really think that going to an academy there would serve me for anything. What would I do afterwards? How can I find a job that doesn't involve teaching English or Spanish? I don't want to live off part-times jobs either. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward, a too accommodated person who isn't willing to give up anything - nobody gains anything without risking something- but I can't just throw away the foundations of my whole life, of what they told me it was the right thing to do.
A life without regrets - how I wish it was that easy.
Will probably make a trip post later.
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no subject
Date: 2010-01-06 06:57 pm (UTC)Para mi Japon no es un sitio al qui ir de vacaciones para hacer simple turismo, sino que es un lugar en el que me gustaria probar de vivir una temporada y estar alli como "ciudadana"... pero de la misma manera que a ti te ocurre, yo tampoco soy capaz de dejar todo lo que hay aqui y empezar alli sin saber que pasara...
Y la verdad es que ultimamente lo pienso cada vez mas, porque ahora mismo seria el momento para hacerlo, no cuando tenga un trabajo mas o menos estable y una vida mucho mas encaminada que ahora...