まだサヨナラが言えない

[ageha]

I've just come back and I already miss Japan


I was at Narita, waiting to board the plane while eating Pocky when the feeling suddenly overflowed and I started sobbing in the middle of the lobby.

It's strange, how you can feel so yours a country that you weren't born in. I guess it's something that you can only understand when you've been there - because when you return you can't help but to miss it, to crave it.

I want to live there.

For me, it isn't just some pleasure trip to an exotic country.

I love Japan.

I love Osaka.

I might just love Eito a little too much.

But I can't just give up everything and try to start from zero there. I'm not that strong. I need stability and comfort - I need to know what tomorrow will offer me, I can't life with the doubt of the what-if.

Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
Everyone seems to be moving to Japan and I'm left stuck here - but I don't really think that going to an academy there would serve me for anything. What would I do afterwards? How can I find a job that doesn't involve teaching English or Spanish? I don't want to live off part-times jobs either. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward, a too accommodated person who isn't willing to give up anything - nobody gains anything without risking something- but I can't just throw away the foundations of my whole life, of what they told me it was the right thing to do.

A life without regrets - how I wish it was that easy.


Will probably make a trip post later.

Comments

[skycouldfall.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I understand you. I've never been there but I feel it so close - I really do want to live there. I don't think I'll be satisfied with just one trip so that why I'm a bit scared of going.

I always say how you just have one life and you need to live it to the fullest but in reality, it's a lot harder. I'm a coward, too, and as much as I'd want to live there, I can't live there I can't leave the safety and comfort I have here. But I can't just ignore that feeling because graduation is coming soon and I need to decide what I'll be doing with my life. I need more strenght and courage.

Unfortunately, I can't help you, I don't think anyone can for that matter - you just need to decide for yourself. This is your life, after all. But you can't sit and mope around all that, either.

[misosiru.livejournal.com]

i was the same when i had to leave...Even at the sayonara party, someone would say "Hi" and I started to cry. and i didnt even get to see there much due to classes...*sigh* I hope we both get to go there again ♥ *hugs*

[lihuen.livejournal.com]

Nunca he estado en japon, pero creo que me sentiria igual que tu... y con lo demas me pasa exactamente lo mismo...

Para mi Japon no es un sitio al qui ir de vacaciones para hacer simple turismo, sino que es un lugar en el que me gustaria probar de vivir una temporada y estar alli como "ciudadana"... pero de la misma manera que a ti te ocurre, yo tampoco soy capaz de dejar todo lo que hay aqui y empezar alli sin saber que pasara...

Y la verdad es que ultimamente lo pienso cada vez mas, porque ahora mismo seria el momento para hacerlo, no cuando tenga un trabajo mas o menos estable y una vida mucho mas encaminada que ahora...

[nfr.livejournal.com]

*hugs a loooooooot* :)

[kaede-hikari.livejournal.com]

te lo creas o no, yo era el peor caso de "hacer lo correcto" desde que tengo uso de razón, con 10 años ya tenía mi vida planeada, trabajo en un laboratorio de 8 horas y todo. Me reía internamente de los que me decían que "estudiara artes" o "me metiera a teatro", porque la gente "no vive ni de las letras ni de las artes". LLevó muchos años darme cuenta de que realmente ese planning de mi vida que tenía hecho ya no era lo que quería sino lo que me estaba obligando a hacer para tener seguridad en la vida.

No es fácil deshacerse de estos pensamientos, ni siquiera estoy segura de que me los haya quitado del todo. Pero me ha ayudado el hecho de que, en el fondo, con la situación actual probablemente es más fácil encontrar trabajo en Japón que aquí. Supongo que ayuda vivir en la comunidad con más paro :/ hasta que no empecé a hacer preparativos, buscar la academia, ver como iba a conseguir el dinero etc. no me sentí segura sobre el asunto, pero a día de hoy se que es lo mejor que puedo hacer. La única prohibición que me puse fue no abandonar el país sin un título.

No estar estudiando letras puede ser tanto una desventaja como una ventaja Irene. Los japoneses aprecian mucho el haber estudiado en el extranjero, ellos tanto como nosotros saben que la universidad allí es poco más que una broma. Lo bueno que tiene el estar pensando esto ahora mismo en tu segundo año, es que tienes más tiempo para estudiar japonés a la vez de tu carrera y pensar en cosas que te pueden ayudar, cursos en la uni que creas que te puedan mejorar el curri etc. No es cuestión de pensar que no encontrarás trabajo porque no eres profesora, sino hacer lo mejor de tu situación, extranjeros hay en muchos puestos de trabajo, solo tienes que intentar mejorarte a ti misma. Ya sabes tres idiomas, estoy segura de que si le pones un poco de empeño podrás aprender japo sin problemas y te será de gran ayuda. Unos meses de academia tras la uni no está mal tampoco y te da un tiempo para buscar trabajo desde dentro del país. Probablemente pienses que ya es tarde pero eso es porque te rodeas de abuelas como nosotras xD y bueno, sabes que vayas cuando vayas, siempre puedes vivir con nosotras, yo por mi parte haré todo lo posible por no volver porque, la verdad, si hay algo bueno de ser antisocial es que no tengo casi nada que me ate a este país. No hay nada que perder no? ánimos arriba niña, estoy segura de que será duro porque aún queda tiempo, pero pasará más rápido de lo que crees. Y siempre estamos abiertas a visitas :3

[girlearthless.livejournal.com]

When I came back I lost my appetite completely for a few weeks, and it just felt so strange, to be back in a place when you've changed so much inside but everything else has stayed the same. It eventually got better, but I can't help but wonder if I could live there for like a year or two, of all the possibilities. So I can only say that you're still young and full of potential, and that you can do the things you want, it only takes time and effort and a little courage. I think you going on this trip in the first place was an indication of that. And even if you don't end up living there or doing what you wished, there are trips and vacations, there is surrounding yourself with the culture and music and K8, whatever you do that makes you feel closer.

*hugsalot* ♥

[la-soffitta.livejournal.com]

I'm taking a five-minute break from studying and need to get back soon, so this is a bit rushed and might possibly be incoherent. But I wanted to say this:

That's wrong - you are strong. You're strong because you know what you want and admit how much you want it. How you get it immaterial, but the point is, all you need to know is if you want it or not. I'm not going to say that if you want something badly enough, the Universe will conspire to make it happen, because that... doesn't always work. You will need to put in something, and we're all here to help you do it when the time comes.

All I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up and call yourself a coward for not rushing off right now. Not everybody can pull that off, you know? And that isn't the only way. Just... keep looking. There's bound to be another way. And when that way comes, bb, grab it and don't ever let go.

♥

[anippan.livejournal.com]

Oh, Irene.

I think you need to do what's right for you. It's not always about being strong or cowardly. Maybe your way to get to Japan and stay there is different than say, mine, but that doesn't mean it won't necessarily happen. If it's something you really want then I know you can and WILL find a way to make it happen. At your own pace. In your own time. You don't have to go RIGHT NOW. Take your time. Finish your degree if that makes you feel safe. Study Japanese. Look into different options. But don't dream your life away and don't just call yourself a coward and give up. Because YOU CAN DO IT.

And it's never easy. We're always doubting ourselves, wishing we were stronger and had less issues (i'm the perfect example). But I think just the fact that you're recognizing and trying to face this conflict inside of you is already a step in the right direction. And you know, until you find your path here, you know you'll always have a place to stay and someone who wants you here ♥

Take heart, querida. I love you <3

[elyndys.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's any such thing as loving K8 *too* much. ;)

It's really not cowardly to not rush into things, y'know. Like you say, there are lots of different things to consider! It's not cowardly to be mature and think it through and think about a solid plan. Like Ani says, there are lots of different ways, and you might need time to find the one that's for you - but that doesn't mean it'll never happen, or even if it doesn't that that's the end of the world! Japan will always be there, whatever happens. ♥ And I hope with all my heart that K8 will always be there too!

[the-trishness.livejournal.com]

Oh, bb.

Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
ME TOO. Like, you may understand that more than just about anyone else. D:

When I came back from Japan in May, I was so damn depressed that I could hardly function here. I didn't eat, sleep, I couldn't. I missed EVERYTHING - the people, the sights, streets, VENDING MACHINES, smells, just..everything. I made it my goal to get back, I have to go back. I have to be among what I miss, I need to feel it, smell it, taste it and live it. So I understand how you feel, I honestly do. It sucks.

I am going into 2010 with that as a single goal, I have to. We can both do it- go back. I just graduated and I'm returning to school to take post-graduate Japanese courses. That way, maybe more doors will open.

You can do it!! You can take that step, if that's what you choose. The first step is the hardest, saying that you want to go, live and work there. Once you fill out that first application though, everything else just kind of slips into place. <33333 You can do it, bb!! Be strong. <33

I know we just became friends, but if you ever need to talk - I'm always here to listen. I understand, I really do. <3

[arkray.livejournal.com]

*hugs* elproblema d'have nascut al pais equivocat. No hi ha opcio a la teva carrera de trovar feina alla? Si dominies l'idioma be , o l'angles, ho pots provar.