まだサヨナラが言えない
Jan. 6th, 2010 07:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agehaI've just come back and I already miss Japan
I was at Narita, waiting to board the plane while eating Pocky when the feeling suddenly overflowed and I started sobbing in the middle of the lobby.
It's strange, how you can feel so yours a country that you weren't born in. I guess it's something that you can only understand when you've been there - because when you return you can't help but to miss it, to crave it.
I want to live there.
For me, it isn't just some pleasure trip to an exotic country.
I love Japan.
I love Osaka.
I might just love Eito a little too much.
But I can't just give up everything and try to start from zero there. I'm not that strong. I need stability and comfort - I need to know what tomorrow will offer me, I can't life with the doubt of the what-if.
Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
Everyone seems to be moving to Japan and I'm left stuck here - but I don't really think that going to an academy there would serve me for anything. What would I do afterwards? How can I find a job that doesn't involve teaching English or Spanish? I don't want to live off part-times jobs either. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward, a too accommodated person who isn't willing to give up anything - nobody gains anything without risking something- but I can't just throw away the foundations of my whole life, of what they told me it was the right thing to do.
A life without regrets - how I wish it was that easy.
Will probably make a trip post later.
I was at Narita, waiting to board the plane while eating Pocky when the feeling suddenly overflowed and I started sobbing in the middle of the lobby.
It's strange, how you can feel so yours a country that you weren't born in. I guess it's something that you can only understand when you've been there - because when you return you can't help but to miss it, to crave it.
I want to live there.
For me, it isn't just some pleasure trip to an exotic country.
I love Japan.
I love Osaka.
I might just love Eito a little too much.
But I can't just give up everything and try to start from zero there. I'm not that strong. I need stability and comfort - I need to know what tomorrow will offer me, I can't life with the doubt of the what-if.
Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different degree, something language related that would make doing an exchange there easier.
Everyone seems to be moving to Japan and I'm left stuck here - but I don't really think that going to an academy there would serve me for anything. What would I do afterwards? How can I find a job that doesn't involve teaching English or Spanish? I don't want to live off part-times jobs either. Maybe I'm just too much of a coward, a too accommodated person who isn't willing to give up anything - nobody gains anything without risking something- but I can't just throw away the foundations of my whole life, of what they told me it was the right thing to do.
A life without regrets - how I wish it was that easy.
Will probably make a trip post later.
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no subject
Date: 2010-01-07 04:17 am (UTC)That's wrong - you are strong. You're strong because you know what you want and admit how much you want it. How you get it immaterial, but the point is, all you need to know is if you want it or not. I'm not going to say that if you want something badly enough, the Universe will conspire to make it happen, because that... doesn't always work. You will need to put in something, and we're all here to help you do it when the time comes.
All I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up and call yourself a coward for not rushing off right now. Not everybody can pull that off, you know? And that isn't the only way. Just... keep looking. There's bound to be another way. And when that way comes, bb, grab it and don't ever let go.
♥